Bleeding Heart (Poem)

I drown myself in music,
Letting each note try to
Shut out the noise of the world,
Shut out my inner voice,
Filled with all those insecurities and fears.

It's an antidote to
This hole in my heart.
Never filling it,
Never satisfying it.
But it will have to do,
For now.

I smile as I talk to people,
wondering if they could see me
Carefully putting a lid on my emotions
So that no one will realize
How raw and bleeding
My heart really is.

I Love You (Poem)

I

had my heart broken once.
the hurt and pain trickling down my cheek,
as I slowly sewed the pieces back together,
one by one.
I vowed never to believe again in

Love

was for fools, I declared,
to everyone I met on the street.
some nodded in agreement,
while others looked at me,
as though I was the fool.
then I met

You

changed my life.
became the reason my heart skips a beat.
made me see that love,
has and always will exist.

Unwanted (Short Story)

The blazing golden sun was hidden behind some thick clouds crowding the sky that resembled a clear blue canvas splashed with vibrant strokes of vivid saffron and peach added with a tinge of faint scarlet and purple.

A thin feminine figure leaned weakly against the window sill of her house, staring mournfully at the layers of glistening blue that formed the familiar sea and a beautiful backdrop to the sky.

A rush of depression surged through her as she recalled one stranger's blunt remarks about her when she was auditioning to be a model.

She'll never make it, just look at her ... average nose, average face ... she definitely isn’t beautiful at all!

Trembling with anger, her pale face went whiter at the fact that she would never become a model simply because she had average looks.

It's not fair; she thought furiously to herself, why did it have to be all about looks?

All her life, Cordelia had endured thoughtless comments passed by her better-looking friends and her parents about her being ordinary-looking. According to them, there was nothing special about her and she was never going to grow up to be someone special.

The other depressing point was that she wasn't talented in almost everything ... except catwalk. This was why Cordelia had aspired to become a model ever since she was young.

Even though she always felt small next to her friends in terms of looks and results, she was always comforted by the knowledge that she could catwalk better than any of them.

The first time she had tried to walk down the aisle like a model was when she was only ten years old and that was because she had been on a dare at that time.

Amazingly, she had confidently strutted up and down the cold, grey alley ground with grace and ease, surprising her friends as they gaped at her.

After she had finished her dare, they had then applauded her and told her that she had the makings of a model.

"Never mind the looks!" they had said airily, waving away the very notion as though she should not even worry about it. "You have to walk gracefully in order to be a top model anyway."

And now, after having carried the confidence they had given her for ten years, she had finally mustered enough courage to reach out and achieve her dream.

Only to have that hope crushed in a single audition.

It was at that same audition when she had heard the harshest comments about her looks.

She definitely isn’t beautiful at all ... she definitely isn't beautiful at all ...

Being a very sensitive girl, the unkind phrase had echoed repeatedly in the recesses of Cordelia's mind, haunting her almost every single day and depriving her of sleep and food.

She stayed at home and locked herself inside her bedroom, drained of the self-confidence that she now needed desperately. She did not dare to venture out, truly believing herself to be too ugly to be seen by other people.

Even now, it was literally driving her insane. It continued jeering at her mercilessly as she gazed dazedly at the darkening sky outside, her eyes filling up with tears.

Tears of self-reproach at not having been a proud asset to her family.

Maybe that’s why Dad and Mom broke up ... maybe that's why they didn't want me anymore ...

Abruptly she reached out for a mauve leather-coloured notebook and a fountain pen carelessly tossed onto the bed. Settling her diary comfortably on her lap, she uncapped her pen and started writing.

I don't understand why people just can't seem to believe in me and what I have always aspired to do with my life.

Is there something wrong somewhere inside me?

Or am I just not meant to be someone special? Someone they can truly respect? Even my parents do not seem to care about me anymore. I doubt they ever did.

All they ever did was to quarrel with each other and throw things around the house. Telling each other that they loved each other after each quarrel.

They ended up getting divorced anyway.

But sometimes, I wonder whether it was me who had caused them to break up.

After all, I'm not someone unique, someone beautiful and talented ... someone they could really love.

Confused and lost,
~Lia~

As the sky grew into an inky-black, so did thoughts of suicide gradually start to seep into Cordelia’s weak mind as she put down her pen and squinted painfully at the glowing crescent moon surrounded by thousands of glittering bright stars.

Why not end it now? Better to save yourself the humiliation and pain ahead, the taunting voice in her head said, Besides, nobody loves you ... just look at your parents, always shouting at you for something you did not do ... that was the reason you ran away from home, wasn’t it?

Pitiful, really ... oh, and did I mention that their marriage was already crumbling by then? Even your friends ... where were they when you went into depression? Where were they when you were at your lowest point? Life isn’t worth living if it’s as pathetic as yours ... right? You know what to do ... don’t you ...

At the last statement, the taunting voice turned into a menacing snarl, its chilling effect causing Cordelia to stand up on impulse and open her bedroom door to walk downstairs to the front door.

She did not even bother to close the door properly as she trudged leadenly towards the beach with only one aim now repeating itself in her mind.

Drown ... kill ... end ... everything ...

The sea was cloaked in the veil of darkness, with only the reflection of the bright moon cutting a silvery-white path across its waters. Its once cheerful sea-green colour had now taken on a dark blue shade when Cordelia arrived at the beach, barefooted and clad only in a simple green nightgown.

The wind was strong that night, whipping Cordelia's already tousled ebony hair into all sorts of directions as she resolutely entered the icy-cold waters of the sea, never pausing in a step as she did so.

The water level soon reached up to Cordelia’s slim waist, soaking her nightgown and causing strands of her long hair to lie limply against her shoulders.

There was completely no expression in her eyes, save for a blank resignation at her fate lingering deep within those endless pools of golden-amber.

There is no going back now ... it's too late ... just dive deep into the sea and never come back up ...

Tossing her head back and emitting a final wild cry of bitter anguish at the cruel injustice people had done to her, Cordelia plunged into the waters, never to emerge from them again.

From that day onwards, nobody ever saw her again save for the fact that some people claimed they saw her spirit walking sadly along the beach she had drowned herself at, barefooted and wearing a green coloured nightgown, crying silently ... unwanted ...

The Girl (Short Story)

The girl.

Her bright lucid green eyes flashed with an unbearable frustration that was evident in her hysterical scream as she stood atop the high, grey cliff, alone and burdened.

The scream that somehow got dislodged from her throat echoed throughout the mountains surrounding her, betraying her inner rage and confusion and reflecting it at ten times its normal intensity.

Her plain smoke-grey dress was drenched entirely in the heavy torrent of rain and glistening beads of water continuously ran down the wild tracks of her jet-black hair like a trickling stream.

Brilliant flashes of lightning streaked across the dark, stormy sky, illuminating her pale face and casting a brief moment of light upon the indescribable pain that glazed over her eyes.

Her tears mingled with the rain, invisible upon first glance, as they flowed down her cheeks and past her trembling lips.

She turned her face towards the sky in fierce, silent defiance ... defying whatever gods that had already long lost her faith.

No, she did not need these worthless gods in her life any longer. What use were they of anyway? Could they even understand the countless troubles that she poured out to them every night?

She wondered why she still forced herself into believing that they were alive even though she knew somewhere, deep in her heart, that they were but mere statues carved in wood and cast in iron.

Unable to hear, unable to speak, unable to understand.

Maybe it was because she needed someone to talk to and confide in. Someone who could understand her. Someone who could love her for who she truly was and not who she pretended to be.

She was tired of acting. Her life had been nothing more than a play. Yet, she was terrified, terrified that once she let down her pretenses, everybody would hate her for who she truly was.

Like her mother did.

You're a damn bitch. A total loser, a person who's better off living in hell you know that? People won't want to be with you once they get to know you better 'cause you have a bloody attitude problem. Why the hell did I give birth to such a ...

The girl squeezed her eyes shut, reeling from the stinging recollection of her mother's cruel words.

The hurt and pain that she'd felt was too much to remember ... too much to endure. Nobody was there to make the pains go away ... to soothe the hurt she felt so burdened with ... nobody ...

The growing thunder rumbled ominously in the distance as the rain lightened to a drizzle. The light raindrops fell on the girl's back as she carelessly leaned over the edge of the cliff and stared at the wild surging of waves crashing against the cold, jagged rocks below.

Thoughts of death laced her turmoil of emotions like a deadly whiff of poison.

Nobody would care whether I'm alive or dead ... especially my mother ... just one jump ... will free me of all problems ... or will it?

As the girl turned to stare accusingly at the sky once more, a bright unearthly light started to glimmer in the middle of the sky, pulsing with a glowing blaze that gradually filled the entire sky with its strange presence of something ... or someone divine.

Eyes widening, the girl gaped at the mysterious spectacle that was spreading out in front of her like a promising sheet of hope.

A blank sheet where she could start her life all over again, where she could have the chance of being loved once more.

By someone who already knew her before she was even born.

Suddenly feeling compelled to kneel on the ground, the girl was filled with a strange exultation that she had not felt before.

Maybe there was a God after all ...

As the light started to fade away, a faint smile tugged at the corners of her lips. Fresh tears sprung from her eyes, this time, not out of sorrow but of unexpected joy.

At the realization that somewhere above, she had been loved by someone all along. He had not forsaken her even though she had not believed in Him.

The one true God ...

The sky was now painted a fresh porcelain blue. Birds of all kinds began singing their sweet, piercing melodies. The gentle breeze blew against her damp hair and dress as the first golden rays of the sun peeked through the dispersing grey clouds.

Enveloping the girl in its warmth and new hope.

A new day always meant a new beginning. It was time to let go, move on and learn to live once again ...

Strangers (Poem)

I don't know,
When things started changing.

But I can see it in your eyes,
In the way you stare at the time.
As though you cannot wait,
To leave and never come back.

I can read it on your lips,
Of the lies and fake smiles.
As though you really mean,
Every word that you say.

What went wrong, I wonder.
When did it all start going down?

Are you going to erase me away,
Turning me into a memory,
That never existed?

Are you going to pretend,
Treating me as a stranger,
That we never knew each other?

You distance yourself,
With excuses and guilty downcast glances.
Turning into someone I once knew,
Yet no longer do.

Tell me,
You have a reason for doing this.
Please.