Far (Short Story)

"How far is far?" you asked me all of a sudden one day, while we were sitting on the sand facing the sea.

I stared hard at the sky, unsure as to how to respond.

Why had you asked me such a strange question? Were you intending to go away to some faraway place and leave me here, all alone?

In the end, I settled for a neutral answer.

"I don't know."

Yet my heart was telling me otherwise.

However, it turned out that you'd already had the answer to your own question all along.

"To me personally, I think what's considered far is all in what your mind perceives it to be."

"And your heart," I added quickly.

You grinned at me in amusement, though I could not guess the expression in your eyes.

"So what is considered far to you, really?"

I paused for a moment, wondering if I should give you my real reply. I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed that I wouldn't be making a wrong decision.

"When I don't get to see you," I said softly. "Any distance would seem far to me because I cannot wait to be near you again."

Silence had never sounded so loud before. Not daring to see the expression on your face, I bent my head low and clasped my hands tightly.

You did not say anything at all.

When I finally turned to look at you, you smiled at me. Yet, I could see the sadness and confusion in your eyes.

We did not speak of this incident for quite some time.

Then, one day, while we were studying underneath the void deck, you suddenly set your books aside and grabbed my hand.

You seemed oblivious to how fast my heart was beating, how red my cheeks were turning.

"Stay here and don't look behind," you said, pulling me to stand at one side of a pillar.

You went over to the opposite side.

So near yet so far.

"What are you trying to do?" I asked.

"I want to try something out," you replied.

I heard you take a deep breath on the other side of the pillar.

"Is this far to you?"

"I'm sorry?"

You repeated your question. I was baffled, but decided to play along.

"No, I can still hear your voice."

"How about now?"

You sounded further away now but I could still hear you.

"No."

"Now?"

"Nope."

Then abruptly, you fell silent. I waited. And waited.

Feeling curious and impatient, I turned to look from behind my side of the pillar.

I could not see you anywhere in sight.

Just when I was starting to get worried, a pair of hands suddenly rested heavily on my shoulders.

I screamed, thinking it was a robber or someone else. I twisted around, only to find myself face to face with you.

"Relax, it's only me," you said, laughing at my misplaced fear.

Then you produced a hand-folded paper butterfly.

"Here. This is for you," you continued shyly, passing it to me.

I stared at the butterfly in surprise. Painted in pale shades of red and purple, there were words written at the side of its wing in tiny, cursive font.

Love exists between you and me, no matter how far apart we might be.

"Just know that I will always be here even when you cannot see me," you said softly.

I could not stop smiling after that.

After this incident, things seemed to have changed. Even till today, I could never figure out whether it had been for the better or worse.

Though we were never actually together, you began to treat me differently.

Holding my hand by using the slightest excuse imaginable. Giving me little random gifts just to see the surprised look on my face. Calling me at night 'cause you said you missed me.

Yet, there was always this nagging feeling of insecurity and doubt within that I could not explain.

I should have known that good things were not made to last.

Over time, you started coming to me as a stranger. And you treated me as one.

Confused and unhappy, I asked you.

What happened to the person I once knew?

Yet somehow, I knew the answer. The reason for your actions.

You were afraid of love. Afraid of commitment. Afraid of betrayal.

You told me you had no reason that would be good enough for me. And in those eyes of yours, I could see the same sadness that I saw on the day I told you about my feelings.

I looked at you with tears in my eyes.

"I guess I was wrong. I was wrong when I told you that any distance would be deemed as far when I didn't get to see you.

Because right now, we seem to be so far apart from each other."

Even though you're standing right in front of me.

"I'm sorry," you said. "Things change."

There was no mistaking the tears in your eyes now.

Then you walked away. Further away from me than I could ever have imagined.